In the 1965 I became a resident of Hall-18,
I was 12. I went from normal America to this
foreign environment of Traverse City State
Hospital. It has taken years to come to
terms with myself and face my greatest fear,
remembering. I also found 1 other who was
there and he is on this forum and you know
him as mfarnam. Last night we got together
and started the process of remembering and
we found out we were great friends back
than.
Between the both of us we have a great "Oprah Story", but thats for another day. We both have been looking for answers to our questions. Did this really happen to me? Was this just a bad dream? Than there were many others who wanted to profit from our experiences and have done so, and than others who were information seekers looking for a big bang.
.
I have always dwell-ed on the bad stuff, but last night I started to remember for the first time in 40 + years "the good stuff".
.
In the winter on nice sunny Saturdays we use to get out the big toboggans and go to the farm where there were big hills and have a day in the snow, I even broke my leg being stupid, surfing on a toboggan.
.
On Wednesday night in the winter, we would go through the "Tunnel" to the theater and they would show movies.
.
On Friday nights in the winter they had a dance at the theater, and yes we went through the tunnel.
.
On Sundays morning we went to church, mandatory. "All Faiths Chapel".
.
In the summer they would take us children on field trips, To the beach, sand dunes, a walk through downtown Traverse City, long buss rides. The Cherry festival, State Fair. A memorial Thanks goes out to Mr. Martin school attendant.
.
Yes we went to a so called school, on A+B-3, Mr. Bailey was the grade school teacher, Mr. Higgins was the junior high teacher, and Mr. Cook was the high school teacher. They all had a big grading curve. No Home Work!
We had a ping pong table at school.
.
In the summer after supper we sometimes went to the bandstand, willow lake, and tennis court combo. Often we would be mixed with the girls from hall-7.
.
I remember playing baseball in front of the canteen,
.
Also this is never mentioned anywhere but, the grounds were planted with all kinds of trees from around the world, and had a metal tag on them telling you what they were.
.
Even thou 1/2 of the staff hated being there and showed it, (It was a pay check) their were others who really cared and were very kind. Mr Curtice was a very kind man. Mr. Martin was a very kind man.
.
Christmas was a very memorial time of year. It had a special smell, and sometimes I smell things that brings me back to hall-18.
.
We had a pool table on hall-18 and I played many games of pool, so much so I never play anymore.
.
We had a TV on hall-18, 2 channels, I watch Armstrong take the first step on the moon. I watched the Monkeys do their thing, and who could forget Batman.
.
We had card games every night, hearts, spades, cribbage
.
Than there was this woman LPN nurse who worked the night (2nd) shift we all called her "Mom", I have forgotten her name but she was special.
.
We sometimes had chocolate milk in the mess hall.
.
I learned to play guitar on hall-18. I still play.
.
I am still comfortably numb.
Between the both of us we have a great "Oprah Story", but thats for another day. We both have been looking for answers to our questions. Did this really happen to me? Was this just a bad dream? Than there were many others who wanted to profit from our experiences and have done so, and than others who were information seekers looking for a big bang.
.
I have always dwell-ed on the bad stuff, but last night I started to remember for the first time in 40 + years "the good stuff".
.
In the winter on nice sunny Saturdays we use to get out the big toboggans and go to the farm where there were big hills and have a day in the snow, I even broke my leg being stupid, surfing on a toboggan.
.
On Wednesday night in the winter, we would go through the "Tunnel" to the theater and they would show movies.
.
On Friday nights in the winter they had a dance at the theater, and yes we went through the tunnel.
.
On Sundays morning we went to church, mandatory. "All Faiths Chapel".
.
In the summer they would take us children on field trips, To the beach, sand dunes, a walk through downtown Traverse City, long buss rides. The Cherry festival, State Fair. A memorial Thanks goes out to Mr. Martin school attendant.
.
Yes we went to a so called school, on A+B-3, Mr. Bailey was the grade school teacher, Mr. Higgins was the junior high teacher, and Mr. Cook was the high school teacher. They all had a big grading curve. No Home Work!
We had a ping pong table at school.
.
In the summer after supper we sometimes went to the bandstand, willow lake, and tennis court combo. Often we would be mixed with the girls from hall-7.
.
I remember playing baseball in front of the canteen,
.
Also this is never mentioned anywhere but, the grounds were planted with all kinds of trees from around the world, and had a metal tag on them telling you what they were.
.
Even thou 1/2 of the staff hated being there and showed it, (It was a pay check) their were others who really cared and were very kind. Mr Curtice was a very kind man. Mr. Martin was a very kind man.
.
Christmas was a very memorial time of year. It had a special smell, and sometimes I smell things that brings me back to hall-18.
.
We had a pool table on hall-18 and I played many games of pool, so much so I never play anymore.
.
We had a TV on hall-18, 2 channels, I watch Armstrong take the first step on the moon. I watched the Monkeys do their thing, and who could forget Batman.
.
We had card games every night, hearts, spades, cribbage
.
Than there was this woman LPN nurse who worked the night (2nd) shift we all called her "Mom", I have forgotten her name but she was special.
.
We sometimes had chocolate milk in the mess hall.
.
I learned to play guitar on hall-18. I still play.
.
I am still comfortably numb.
After sitting on my porch in sunny Florida
in my swing, I found that I need to say
more.
There were many kinds of patients on hall-18, Autism, autistics, downs, epileptics, depression's, gay, schizophrenics, paranoids, behavioral problems, there were children as young as 4-5, etc. All were mis-understood at the time.
.
I remember a little boy a lot younger than me, who thought he was a girl, and wanted everyone to call him Beverly. Every time I see a Queen video and see Freddy I think of him. Than their was this boy who had a bad sour smell, even after he had a shower, he was really depressed about this. Than their was this giant @ 12 he was 6'6". Everyone had their own reason for being there. Insane, you be the judge.
.
I remember about 1968, 2 or 3 of us gathered enough money to get an older patient from another hall to sneak into town and get us a bottle of wine, thou we never had it before, we ask him to get us good wine so he told us about musket-ell, the name sounded real manly, so we drank that awful stuff and got drunk for the first time.
.
Over the years I found several who were there, funny non have ever married, I wonder what the stats are on this.
.
Sex, yes I had sex in a closet for the first time at school with a girl from hall-7 who was my age, now I will leave this at that.
.
Trust no-body, and "being good gets you stuff" was the un-official rule.
.
I learned to weld in shop class and still do so today.
.
Running away, Pointless, everyone always got caught, so since I had no place to run I did not do this.
.
I will never forget the loud bangs of them steam heaters in the winter, the whole hospital was heated by steam from the plant which was across the street from hall-18.
.
I will never forget the cracks all night long from mouse traps going off.
.
Roaches, I hate them and the place had millions of them.
.
The Drugs, I guess thats why I use them today. It was the 60's you know.
I remember the song "mellow yellow", we all thought smoking dried banana peelings would get us high and we dried them on the heaters and smoked them.
.
We had a record player and records on hall-18. I remember the banned song on hall-18, "Their Coming To Take Me Away".
.
We always were telling each other the coffee had salt peter in it and not to drink it, lol.
.
We had to make out beds every morning Army style and could not lay down till bedtime, this was hard to do because of the drugs we were forced to take 4 times a day.
.
Instant potatoes, ecck, I will not eat them to this day.
.
After always being told what to do,.... thats why I wrote the song, "You Can't Make me Do It".
.
I will leave you with a Cat Stevens catch phrase,"I am old but I'm happy".
There were many kinds of patients on hall-18, Autism, autistics, downs, epileptics, depression's, gay, schizophrenics, paranoids, behavioral problems, there were children as young as 4-5, etc. All were mis-understood at the time.
.
I remember a little boy a lot younger than me, who thought he was a girl, and wanted everyone to call him Beverly. Every time I see a Queen video and see Freddy I think of him. Than their was this boy who had a bad sour smell, even after he had a shower, he was really depressed about this. Than their was this giant @ 12 he was 6'6". Everyone had their own reason for being there. Insane, you be the judge.
.
I remember about 1968, 2 or 3 of us gathered enough money to get an older patient from another hall to sneak into town and get us a bottle of wine, thou we never had it before, we ask him to get us good wine so he told us about musket-ell, the name sounded real manly, so we drank that awful stuff and got drunk for the first time.
.
Over the years I found several who were there, funny non have ever married, I wonder what the stats are on this.
.
Sex, yes I had sex in a closet for the first time at school with a girl from hall-7 who was my age, now I will leave this at that.
.
Trust no-body, and "being good gets you stuff" was the un-official rule.
.
I learned to weld in shop class and still do so today.
.
Running away, Pointless, everyone always got caught, so since I had no place to run I did not do this.
.
I will never forget the loud bangs of them steam heaters in the winter, the whole hospital was heated by steam from the plant which was across the street from hall-18.
.
I will never forget the cracks all night long from mouse traps going off.
.
Roaches, I hate them and the place had millions of them.
.
The Drugs, I guess thats why I use them today. It was the 60's you know.
I remember the song "mellow yellow", we all thought smoking dried banana peelings would get us high and we dried them on the heaters and smoked them.
.
We had a record player and records on hall-18. I remember the banned song on hall-18, "Their Coming To Take Me Away".
.
We always were telling each other the coffee had salt peter in it and not to drink it, lol.
.
We had to make out beds every morning Army style and could not lay down till bedtime, this was hard to do because of the drugs we were forced to take 4 times a day.
.
Instant potatoes, ecck, I will not eat them to this day.
.
After always being told what to do,.... thats why I wrote the song, "You Can't Make me Do It".
.
I will leave you with a Cat Stevens catch phrase,"I am old but I'm happy".
If you are a former patient of hall-18 or
hall-7 or a staff member, trying to contact
me, do so at
ron@hall-18.com
I will not pass along along your info to anyone.
ron@hall-18.com
I will not pass along along your info to anyone.
Other things:
Mail, we were always censored in coming and out going, and were told never to let anyone know what really went on inside Hall-18.
.
Younger kids peed-ed the bed so every morning the hall smelled like piss, I still cannot stand that smell to this day.
.
Identity: It always saddened me to see someone give into the loss of their identity, it did show when they started wearing them hospital supplied clothes from the 1940's. The Girls were really hit hard by this, the long old dresses, no make up, note some of the kids had no choice as they had no one to supply them with store bought clothes. As I grew out of my clothes I passed them down.
.
Hair cuts: We always hated them. The attendants which had no knowledge of hair cutting and would butcher us, they hated hair past your ears. I guess it was a hippy thing.
.
I remember going as a group to a outside theater, to see a "travel Log", boy these were really good, seeing places in the world we could not have imagined.
.
Privileges were earned and taken away at a moments notice.
.
I think it time to rest my mind.
Mail, we were always censored in coming and out going, and were told never to let anyone know what really went on inside Hall-18.
.
Younger kids peed-ed the bed so every morning the hall smelled like piss, I still cannot stand that smell to this day.
.
Identity: It always saddened me to see someone give into the loss of their identity, it did show when they started wearing them hospital supplied clothes from the 1940's. The Girls were really hit hard by this, the long old dresses, no make up, note some of the kids had no choice as they had no one to supply them with store bought clothes. As I grew out of my clothes I passed them down.
.
Hair cuts: We always hated them. The attendants which had no knowledge of hair cutting and would butcher us, they hated hair past your ears. I guess it was a hippy thing.
.
I remember going as a group to a outside theater, to see a "travel Log", boy these were really good, seeing places in the world we could not have imagined.
.
Privileges were earned and taken away at a moments notice.
.
I think it time to rest my mind.
Wow! Thanks for taking the time to post all
of this. It's really great to hear in such
detail what life was like inside of these
hospital.
I was there (approx) 63-68, at the ages of
7-11. Ronl and I knew each other and after I
was release his name stuck in the back of my
head, I guess it was because we were friends
and with Ron being older, he was someone I
looked up to.
Ron, I couldn't have remembered all of that But now that you mention some of them,memeries started pouring back.
I'm the same way with smelling things.
One of them is, and you may remember this, certain oders of paint reminded of the time we made images of "Snow White and the Seven Dawarfs", I don't remember exactly what was going on, but we cut them out of plywood (about 3ft high) and painted them in the workshop.
I remember make the beds army style,(tucking the back corner in) but not just that, all we had was 1 army blanket each.
As I got older,I came to realize some of the thing I didn't understand as a kid while I was in Traverse City State Hospital.
I'm epileptic and back then that was something very few dr's had any knowlege about, and the only medication there was for it was "Ritalin" everything else was in the "testing stage". So I was locked up and used as a guinie pig the test medication. Believe me, they didn't hesitate when it came to try untested medication. There was times I was pumped so full of med's I couldn't walk straight, and it usually just made my siezures worse. If I had a siezure they would give more med's and lock me in the seclusion room. Some time if I had a siezure in the seclusion room, a nurse or attendant would come in and slap me around, some used a belt on me. I still have scares from that. even after 43 years.
Because I was so doped up and my seizures uncontrolled, they wouldn't allow my priveleges get very high. So I wasn't able to attend some the outdoor activities that Ronl mentioned in his post.
I'll have to continue this in another post.
Ron, I couldn't have remembered all of that But now that you mention some of them,memeries started pouring back.
I'm the same way with smelling things.
One of them is, and you may remember this, certain oders of paint reminded of the time we made images of "Snow White and the Seven Dawarfs", I don't remember exactly what was going on, but we cut them out of plywood (about 3ft high) and painted them in the workshop.
I remember make the beds army style,(tucking the back corner in) but not just that, all we had was 1 army blanket each.
As I got older,I came to realize some of the thing I didn't understand as a kid while I was in Traverse City State Hospital.
I'm epileptic and back then that was something very few dr's had any knowlege about, and the only medication there was for it was "Ritalin" everything else was in the "testing stage". So I was locked up and used as a guinie pig the test medication. Believe me, they didn't hesitate when it came to try untested medication. There was times I was pumped so full of med's I couldn't walk straight, and it usually just made my siezures worse. If I had a siezure they would give more med's and lock me in the seclusion room. Some time if I had a siezure in the seclusion room, a nurse or attendant would come in and slap me around, some used a belt on me. I still have scares from that. even after 43 years.
Because I was so doped up and my seizures uncontrolled, they wouldn't allow my priveleges get very high. So I wasn't able to attend some the outdoor activities that Ronl mentioned in his post.
I'll have to continue this in another post.
Last night I found Amy, from hall-7, wow it
was good to hear from her, I looked for
years and now she is here. I sure hope
others (and I know they are looking) will
find us here.
.
Amy reminded me of our trips to Interlacken the "international fine arts camp", and swimming hole, lol.
.
the talent show.
.
I remember the color of fall, with all them trees from around the globe, it was always breath taking.
.
I remember holding hands on the bus rides.
.
I enjoyed the 1000 times I was in the "Tunnel".
.
I remember how close all of us kids were.
.
I remember the day I was released, I was 18,
(but I never could leave)
.
There is no more turning away.
.
Amy reminded me of our trips to Interlacken the "international fine arts camp", and swimming hole, lol.
.
the talent show.
.
I remember the color of fall, with all them trees from around the globe, it was always breath taking.
.
I remember holding hands on the bus rides.
.
I enjoyed the 1000 times I was in the "Tunnel".
.
I remember how close all of us kids were.
.
I remember the day I was released, I was 18,
(but I never could leave)
.
There is no more turning away.
I also remember the other stuff too.
.
I remember the other halls and from time to time an attendant would give me a sort of shock treatment of reality tour.
.
I remember the gruesome sight of the vegetables, I remember the things from a horror movie reaching out and grabbing me and the attendant laughing and allowing it to happen.
.
I remember having to fight to protect myself.
.
I remember nakedness and others stairing at me.
.
I remember them telling me this is the place (other halls, like hall-6) that they are going to send me.
.
I remember the beatings and hypo's.
.
I remember the 40 years of nightmares.
.
I remember a child getting killed in seclusion, late 1968, early 69.
.
I remember the rats/mice and roaches
.
I remember the forced liquid drugs to make sure we took it, awful tasting stuff.
.
I remember my entire family always talking about me and their reactions.
.
I remember the women in my life who made me open up and the reaction they had when I did, than they dumped me.
.
I remember running from my past. Always staying just 1 step ahead of Ron.
.
I remember the old fat ugly female nurce fondling me and making me touch her. (she said it would make me a man and that I needed to learn this) I am still frightned to this day of big hairy women.
.
I remember that It was always my fault.
.
I remember loneliness. I live in a loneliness world. I feel that if it wasn't for drugs, I would have no friends at all. I now have 2 true friends.
.
Here is a song I recorded in my studio that tells it all, note I played all the instruments and sang all the parts. Its my itchymeme production using my stage name.
http://www.bakup.info/PMB.mp3
.
I am now an old, 12 year boy.
.
I remember the other halls and from time to time an attendant would give me a sort of shock treatment of reality tour.
.
I remember the gruesome sight of the vegetables, I remember the things from a horror movie reaching out and grabbing me and the attendant laughing and allowing it to happen.
.
I remember having to fight to protect myself.
.
I remember nakedness and others stairing at me.
.
I remember them telling me this is the place (other halls, like hall-6) that they are going to send me.
.
I remember the beatings and hypo's.
.
I remember the 40 years of nightmares.
.
I remember a child getting killed in seclusion, late 1968, early 69.
.
I remember the rats/mice and roaches
.
I remember the forced liquid drugs to make sure we took it, awful tasting stuff.
.
I remember my entire family always talking about me and their reactions.
.
I remember the women in my life who made me open up and the reaction they had when I did, than they dumped me.
.
I remember running from my past. Always staying just 1 step ahead of Ron.
.
I remember the old fat ugly female nurce fondling me and making me touch her. (she said it would make me a man and that I needed to learn this) I am still frightned to this day of big hairy women.
.
I remember that It was always my fault.
.
I remember loneliness. I live in a loneliness world. I feel that if it wasn't for drugs, I would have no friends at all. I now have 2 true friends.
.
Here is a song I recorded in my studio that tells it all, note I played all the instruments and sang all the parts. Its my itchymeme production using my stage name.
http://www.bakup.info/PMB.mp3
.
I am now an old, 12 year boy.
Nice music, ronl! And thanks for sharing all
the memories about Traverse City. I hope you
get to reconnect with more people like
mkfarnam through this forum.
It's good to hear that you have at least some positive memories from the hospital and that it wasn't all bad -- although I understand that you have bad memories too. Overall, what's your opinion on the move away from keeping people at hospitals long-term? Do you think it's a good thing that fewer people experience that these days? Or do you think there were positive things about your experience that you wouldn't have gotten without a long-term stay?
It's good to hear that you have at least some positive memories from the hospital and that it wasn't all bad -- although I understand that you have bad memories too. Overall, what's your opinion on the move away from keeping people at hospitals long-term? Do you think it's a good thing that fewer people experience that these days? Or do you think there were positive things about your experience that you wouldn't have gotten without a long-term stay?
Post TCSH.
Within days of my release I started doing drugs, LSD, Pot, Than other stuff, like MDA with a needle.
I was once told that I was like "a snowball rolling downhill heading for hell".
I joined the Army in 1972, they were taking people like me back then, those who would stand up for the flag and had the nerve to ring the liberty bell.
Many More years of heavy drugs proceeded to haunt me, I was bullet proof, ask anyone in the Army. Than came the Panama Canal and the cocaine, first snorting it than shooting it, this went on until 1980. Yes I had many overdoes, I did not care, it stopped the bad dreams, thou only for a while.
In 1980 I stopped drinking and all the hard drugs, just pot. Pot always takes me to a nice place worth living for. I turn on my 20,000 song music collection I now have on MP3's and just drift away. I really like Pink Floyd.
In 1990 I seen a Dr."Nut Cracker", lol and was put on Prozac, "bad dreams are made of these" ... period ... of my life.
I started a music company with the illusion of being something I could never be. in 2000 I started a computer company and still fiddle with computers and the internet.
As for love, well it just could not happen, I have this big wall around me that cannot be torn down, When ever I let someone get near I run. The wall was built from within, with no doors or windows, just a bed to relax in and an old guitar. Sleeping was not a strong point in my life, the slight noise or a fly buzzing me, and I am on my feet. I also have the ability to just shut anyone off.
One of my bad dreams were of going back, and the place is still operational and knocking on the door and asking to come home. Thou I haven't had this dreams in some time but I still remember it.
I could never find God. Everything I had Faith in let me down.
Since I found a few who was like me and I took the time to write this all down, I believe, this is all behind me now, out in the open, and that all the bad times are really over for good.
I will make it a point for the rest of my life, never turn away, and to cherish my few old friends and never let them slip away again.
We are the "Forgotten Children" of hall-7 and hall-18, and we remember.
Within days of my release I started doing drugs, LSD, Pot, Than other stuff, like MDA with a needle.
I was once told that I was like "a snowball rolling downhill heading for hell".
I joined the Army in 1972, they were taking people like me back then, those who would stand up for the flag and had the nerve to ring the liberty bell.
Many More years of heavy drugs proceeded to haunt me, I was bullet proof, ask anyone in the Army. Than came the Panama Canal and the cocaine, first snorting it than shooting it, this went on until 1980. Yes I had many overdoes, I did not care, it stopped the bad dreams, thou only for a while.
In 1980 I stopped drinking and all the hard drugs, just pot. Pot always takes me to a nice place worth living for. I turn on my 20,000 song music collection I now have on MP3's and just drift away. I really like Pink Floyd.
In 1990 I seen a Dr."Nut Cracker", lol and was put on Prozac, "bad dreams are made of these" ... period ... of my life.
I started a music company with the illusion of being something I could never be. in 2000 I started a computer company and still fiddle with computers and the internet.
As for love, well it just could not happen, I have this big wall around me that cannot be torn down, When ever I let someone get near I run. The wall was built from within, with no doors or windows, just a bed to relax in and an old guitar. Sleeping was not a strong point in my life, the slight noise or a fly buzzing me, and I am on my feet. I also have the ability to just shut anyone off.
One of my bad dreams were of going back, and the place is still operational and knocking on the door and asking to come home. Thou I haven't had this dreams in some time but I still remember it.
I could never find God. Everything I had Faith in let me down.
Since I found a few who was like me and I took the time to write this all down, I believe, this is all behind me now, out in the open, and that all the bad times are really over for good.
I will make it a point for the rest of my life, never turn away, and to cherish my few old friends and never let them slip away again.
We are the "Forgotten Children" of hall-7 and hall-18, and we remember.
Last edited by
ronl on Thu Apr 16, 2009 2:41 pm, edited
1 time in total.
Point taken. Again, thanks for sharing