I had 2 large bridge stints installed, they were going to do by-pass on me if this does not work. I had a small attack last night due to personal stress.
I cannot do anything except sit and stare. If I drop out again I will be in the hospital.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGkeQ7RVpX0


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGkeQ7RVpX0


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-exA3uk4P7M

Sorry to hear about your heart problems, ronl. I hope things work out as well as they can.

I'm reading all of this after watching various clips of TCSH on youtube. I'm from an area about 45 mins from TC (closer to Manistee) and take a ride around the grounds whenever I'm up there.

They are renovating the place but to me the entire "campus" is just plain sad. There are so many rumors of the place being haunted, but I realize after reading so many of the posts from people that lived it are the nightmares that will continue long after the paint is scraped and the building becomes what so many people would deem "beautiful".

I admire your courage about being so open about things that happened there. I am very curious to see pictures and learn more from anyone willing to share. I'm not a writer and have nothing to gain by it, just generally interested in the lives of those that lived it and for the most part a good listening ear.

Take care

Ronl,

I read this and long to comfort you, I hear of your hatred for God and it saddens me. I know you may not believe or understand because of your experiences but God knows your pain and is saddened. I wish you would search another religion besides catholocism-- they are so lacking in their spiritual knowledge and I honestly believe you could heal from the "truth'. I will pray for you in hopes that a JW will find you and you listen.

Best wishes to you.

My views on god:
While I was in the hospital a person came up and said a few words and gave jesus (a man who just was a man who made a name for himself and got killed over it and other religions gave him profit status to quill the peace) all the credit for what the Doctors did. When I turn on the TV I see people in his name with their hands out driving new cars, claiming if you give you will have salvation in the afterlife, the poor, dammed and dis-hearted are not wanted, nor included, A paid membership card is required to get inside. I do not believe in ghosts either, when you die you are dead and gone. If it makes you feel good to go to church their are others who feel good listening to music. I have always had problems with the bible, written in the 13th century and ordered by king james and written only his way. Other stories written 200 years after the fact and given credit to the chosen 12, or 13 however you look at it. I have met people who's religion made them honor their rules, regulations, bylaws, amendment's, and clauses to get into heaven and than they send their boys/girls off to war in the name of god. Killing is permitted if your religion requires it. I have problems with this concept. I wrote a song "You Cant Make Me Do It" Its about this concept of others forcing you to do things against your will.
I have spent my whole life studying religion yes all of them and I have many friends who are preachers, priests, ministers and my best friend is a priest, we never go to the religion area because it causes friction, they are my friends because they are people first. If this makes me a bad person than someone forgot to tell my friends, and if I am going to a place which I do not believe in, than let it be so, I will be among friends.
.
Creatures from other planets is a possibility.

The Universe, could it be so simple:
All my life, I have been thinking of space, the universe, and what it all is about.
I believe our understanding of the universe is flawed. I feel there are other universes out there very far away and beyond our comprehension. These other universes are so far away light has not reached our universe. I feel our universe was created 13+ billion years ago by an exploding black hole which got to heavy and exploded. I believe there are more of these giant black holes out there.
Think of space, as a substance and our black hole exploded in it, (like a bubble in water), that is our universe, the bubble. Everything we know and think about is in this bubble. This is where the 30 pounds of vacuum comes from.
Black/Dark Matter:
The 5X (5.477225) unknown, known only as Black/Dark Matter is just the vacuum of space, tugging on the matter. I noticed this is not included in any of the formulas.
30 (pounds of space vacuum) divided by 5.477225 = 5.477225
I also believe the Black/Dark Matter may be the substance outside of our bubble.
Space Travel:
First off we all think of the speed of light, well I believe matter cannot travel that fast, so matter would have to be changed to a light wave than back to matter, we all know this isn’t possible. The answer: a species would have to have a long life span to travel between planets, plane and simple. Humans have doubled their life span in the past 5000 years, so maybe 100,000 years from now we just might be a species capable of travel to the stars. Note we have trees in California that are 500 years old. *Note! It seems matter in a black hole spins so fast light cannot escape, so this means it is traveling faster than light. I must ponder on this for a while.
Other Species:
Yes indeed life does exist on other worlds, it just could not be that we are the only planet with life. Do the math.
Time Travel: It just is not possible, in order to do time travel, the whole universe (our bubble in space) would have to go backward/forward in time as well. The power it would take to do this is more than the entire power in the universe.

ronl was starting to get worried about you. Glad you home , but sorry to hear your not well. Will keep you in my thoughts. You are missed. Take care and be well. I guess a little luck wouldn't be a bad thing.

Back in 1965 having taps on your shoes were really cool, and remember having them for a brief period of time before they were banned on Hall-18.
I than got a pair of shoes with 1 inch heals, fashionable at the time and these had hollow heals and when I walked they made a deep clodding sound and I remember the staff taking them away and sent them to the shoe shop on cottage 36 and had the heels removed and replaced with standard leather heals, these shoes hurt my feet after that. This is the kind of identity theft we went through. In 1967-68 I got a pair of stripped pants and they were taken away because they looked like hippy pants. Bell bottom pants were not allowed. hair that touched your eyes, collar or ears was not allowed. Even eyeglasses was censored. Absolute Power was forced upon us.

Some forms of punishment was an everyday occurrence, like being slammed into the wall, or slammed into a hard wooden chair and forced to sit there for hours. I recall once I walked out of my room and was tossed across the hall and pushed up against the wall with the elbow under my chin than getting slapped because I was in the attendants way.
Another time I had my meds changed and was drowsy and was slammed to the floor for walking funny to the mess hall. At the time this action seemed like it was alright for them to do and most of us did not complain or even see it happen, I just gave in and became institutionalized. Don't speak, don't think, always be on time and walk 2 by 2, this is how I made it through the darkness.

Ron, this was my question to the nurse aide. How were social skills taught to you for release? He answered that none were taught and these are examples of that. It had to have been hard to go from all of that control to having none upon release. I fight the control my work has by requiring uniforms by wearing my own jewelry to express my mood. I do not wear black at all when I am not working since that is what I wear at work. I can understand how you were a "bad" person when you left there.
If only the "hospital" would have known what little they know about psychology now then.

Hope you are feeling better and better.

It is odd just how memory works, today I recall being in the crib and remember my mom playing records and one of them was the song "Shifting Whispering Sands" and still remember the color of the old phonograph, black and white, it had the glued on paper covering it. The record was a 45 RPM, a dark red color was the label as I recall. I remember other events in the crib and being alone in that dark room and if I stretched I could see out the door into the living room.

Hey Ron, this is Amy. Someone suggested I post to this site to give info on TCSH from a female's perspective. I'll try to post more another time but wanted you to know I've registered. Maybe you should make a forum for the ladies huh?

I have been waiting for you Amy, I am so glad you decided to join in,
Did you notice the name of this forum?
"Forgotten Children "Hall-18, Hall-7" I did not forget the ladies.
Now we are 3.
Thanks
Ron